katie shaw ficker

It’s a boy! And we have decided to name him Gabriel. Hebrew in its origin, it means “God is my strength” or some translations also say, “Mighty Warrior of God.” And that is what this little boy has been – a mighty warrior who will testify forever of the strength of his God.

I have been in the hospital for 5 weeks straight now, starting with our second stormy, dark, rainy, middle-of-the-night flight into the City and the emergency room on November 3. It has been a series of ups and downs, to say the least. When we arrived at the ER on the 3rd,  I was prepped immediately for a blood transfusion and emergency operation to stop the bleeding. I was sure we had lost our little guy, especially as I had felt no movement for hours and I had had so much bleeding and so many contractions. However, we instead found him doing somersaults (literally) on the ultrasound while they pushed  tocolytics (meds to stop the contractions) and started running the blood tansfusion. As we started to realize the gravity of the bleeding aspect of the situation, we also were amazed at the miracle that found this little man so incredibly unaffected by the situation he was living in the midst of! They left me NPO (I couldn’t eat anything -only jello and juices in case there was still a need for an operation) for a couple days to ensure that the contractions and bleeding stopped (which they did!), and over the next week, we talked to three different specialties about the implications/dangers of this pregnancy on mine and Gabriel’s health and created a “plan”  in which I would stay in the hospital for monitoring and care while Aaron and the kids returned to Canilla. (Yes, in this update, the word “plan” will always be found in quotation marks as it has become much more fluid in its meaning in our usage of it in this pregnancy!) Right before Thanksgiving, things had seemed to somewhat stabilize, and we discussed what a “plan” to go home for a bit could look like… but then I started hemorrhaging again, my hemoglobin dropped, I once again discovered all the fun symptoms that come with severe anemia, and my Thanksgiving dinner this year looked a second blood transfusion 🙂 To further complicate the matter, my blood type is A-… an already rare blood type, but very hard to find in this country where almost everyone is a positive type. They have also now put me on complete bedrest, a low-dose blood thinner to prevent blood clots, and physical therapy. While this is not normal protocol necessarily in a case like this, and while again no one can exactly figure out why, the movement does seem linked to the times of more severe hemorrhaging. (With this particular bleed, I had gotten into a wheelchair and ridden up to the lobby to see my visiting nieces for 15 minutes before being wheeled back down to my room.) It has been quite the challenge for my “do-er” personality!!

During Thanksgiving week, we also discovered that Gabriel’s amniotic fluid had dropped to almost nothing, which brought a whole new aspect to the situation as now we were dealing with not only the risk of a premature delivery due to bleeding, but now also the risk of the need for a premature delivery due to Gabriel’s health. We talked to the neonatologists (“newborn specialists”) and perinatologists (“mom and unborn baby specialists”) about the complications and ethical decisions that all need to be weighed out when dealing with a premature baby (I am at a little over 25 weeks right now; these conversations started at a little before 24 weeks) and what the beginnings of a “plan” would look like… and then watched his fluid come back up again (praise God!) to where it is hanging out at almost normal and set a new “plan” of how to make it to at least 28 weeks when Gabriel’s chance of survival outside of the womb will start to be much better.

On this ultrasound we also discovered that the previous “blood clot” we have always seen on ultrasound is no longer visible… which fit in line with the fact that a pathology report confirmed that in my second week here in the hospital after another strong contraction and the passage of a few pretty good sized “masses,” I seemed to have also passed the final remnants of placental tissue and uterine lining which at times are expelled after a birth or miscarriage. Again, this all happened without seeming to affect Gabriel at all!

While no one can find an exact cause for the bleeding with the diagnostic tools they have used, the general thought is that the twin that passed away had some kind of placental defect (like an AVM, for the medical people reading this) that is causing the severe bleeding. While these can still be complicated cases in and of themselves at times in a single pregnancy, the complication in this one is that the AVM’s generally carry their highest level of risk at or after birth (which is where we are at with the twin that passed away), however because we have another baby in there that has been miraculously almost completely unaffected by the bleeding, (and because the doctors have been unable to identify and locate the actual defect),  there is little that they can do here and at this point without affecting Gabriel’s life. And so on this one, we can barely even create a “plan,” although we can hope! The goal is to use support measures for me to counteract the effects of the bleeding for as long as possible to give little Gabriel a better chance of life outside of the womb. Again, while the base goal is 28 weeks, I am learning a lot about embryonic development as it is highlighted just how much even a day inside of mommy counts for these little ones as they develop at this stage. (Pretty amazing.) So, if we can keep ahead of the blood loss, and if the amniotic fluid continues to maintain itself (or increase!), we will go as long as we can.

And in the midst of all of this, God has once again held us in His hand and woven His threads of power and grace throughout the tapestry of medical facts, opinions and decisions, physical challenges, difficult family good-byes, and just a general exhaustion and weariness. And we have witnessed the beauty of the body of Christ like never before in our lives… a body that even knows no geographical bounds.

As we initially wrestled with the decision to stay here in Guatemala or return to the States for the remainder of this pregnancy, people from both countries came around us in beautiful ways, offering support and help without even a thought to themselves. After deciding and feeling a peace that the best option for me, Gabriel, and our family was for me to stay here in the hospital and Aaron and the kids to be at home, we have been floored at the individualized care and concern and compassion that the staff here in the hospital has surrounded and supported us with. Back home, meals and laundry and babysitting have been taken care of on pretty much a daily basis… another real-life example of the beauty of community and the body of Jesus. People here in the City have also come and prayed and visited me here in the hospital – some of them people that I have never even met before!  And friends and family from the States and around the world continue to check in on us and surround us in prayer… something that we have absolutely no doubt is directly connected to the protection and peace we have experienced throughout this whole process.

When my hemoglobin dropped during Thanksgiving week, friends from Canilla immediately contacted the missionary community throughout Guatemala as well as other friends and organizations, and the response was immediate and amazing as negative and positive blood-typed people came into the City to donate or put themselves on the “reserve” list for probable future transfusions! The love of Jesus in action.

When Gabriel’s amniotic fluid level dropped, friends from all over the world once again gathered together to surround us all in prayer – and less than one week later, we lifted tear-stained faces to praise God as we watched him once again kick around in the midst of more fluid! The thought/assumption now is also that these two little babies were in separate sacs with separate placentas, and we are all aware of how differently this could have affected Gabriel’s life if he and his twin had shared a placenta… Another covering over his little life in this whole pregnancy.

And we are watching our family grow stronger too. As a mother, one of my greatest challenges and fears from the beginning has been for my children – all of them, both in and outside of me! And yet, even as we have experienced geographical separation during this time, God’s grace has been there. Aaron and I have both marveled over the way that our kids have stepped up (even at their young ages) with basic household chores and taking care of each other, and how they have actually thrived in this and pulled together in a beautiful way. I have also worried about how their little hearts will fare, but despite the newness of hospitals and IV’s and hellos and good-byes,  even they are seeing God’s love and power in the midst of this and realizing the beauty of a community that loves Jesus and each other… not  in a “read it in a book” kind of way, but just in a “this is how life is” kind of way… the kind of way that just grows us deep in our faith and in unity as we walk through hard things together.

And again, God has surrounded us with Himself… His peace and His power and His blessings. It is impossible to count our blessings in all of this without being acutely aware of the fact that mine and Gabriel’s life have already been spared a few times – a blessing that most people in our area would not have had. As we have walked through decisions and new situations and challenges, we have also been amazed as God’s peace and strength has always been there… not usually in glamorous, miraculous, over-blown ways… but always with a quiet, still small voice that has comforted and guided and drawn us a little deeper into Him… His beauty, His grace, His mercy… His goodness.

Thank you so so much to the people who are walking through this with us! We appreciate it and feel it more than we could express in words. We are blessed to be loved by you all!

Sorry for the poor quality on these! But, you can see that Levi needs a haircut desperately :), an Ethan and mommy hospital selfie, Anna on an airplane ride back after a hospital visit, and some room decorations! With snowflakes, trees, and pictures of and cards from loved ones, it even feels a little like December and Christmas here in the hospital room!